"People think depression is about being sad. They think it’s just when you ‘feel down’. It’s not. It’s like a darkness that creeps over you and fills you. It drains all your emotions. It takes everything from you, and leaves you feeling hollow and numb. It’s not sadness, it’s not anger, it’s hopelessness. Imagine waking up and there being no colour. Walking outside and feeling no wind. Eating a meal and tasting nothing. Holding somone and feeling completely alone at the same time. When you’re depressed, it’s not a bad mood. It’s a numb, empty, hollowness that seems to never leave. It’s feeling alone in a room full of people. You feel like there’s no hope left."
It’s amazing how people still don’t understand what mental illness is. Call me whatever you may, but I always feel sick when people go on about how “depressed” they are because they’re having a rough few days. I’ve battled with depression for seven years. Seven years. As in I was first admitted to a mental hospital only months after I’d turned twelve years old, though I’d been suffering silently from the time I was eleven. I was scared, and I was lonely. I was landed in the IOL because I would draw myself hanging from a noose when I should have been taking notes in class and doing carefree things that other preteens should have been doing. I’ve been on Zoloft since I was twelve.
Now at eighteen, I’m doing better than ever. But depression is always there. I still contemplate suicide, even if it’s only in passing. I don’t want to die. I can safely say that; I know that I have so much ahead of me, and my ambitions are huge. I’m a busy college student, however. My hours are weird. There are days where I forget to take my pills, and I feel the after effects for days after. Just last week, I spent an entire day feeling completely hollow for no reason. Then I looked at my desk and saw those orange bottles of Zoloft and Lamictal sitting prettily on the shelf. Brain chemistry’s a funny thing, isn’t it?
I’m fine if you’re sad. Say you’re sad. But don’t you dare say you’re depressed unless you really, genuinely, completely feel that way.